a road less taken (free-writing)
When i majored in hospitality, i didn’t do it because i wanted to, i did it because i thought i needed to fulfill a sense of responsibility, and because it was practical and thought the major should be easy. ( but that’s a huge problem, and misconception that most people have with this major because, well, hospitality, in itself, is a complex system at work too, the industry relies so much on details, creativity, leadership, intuition, people skills, compassion, getting acquainted with the different departments, the inner workings of things, and so much more!) But If i had to choose again, i’d probably major in psychology, poli sci, english lit, or even studio art…but at the time i was insecure about my lack of intelligence so i thought i wouldn’t be good enough. (not to say that i regret choosing hospitality as my major.. i find it to my greatest advantage now) everything happens for a reason, i’m just one of the lucky ones who found out what that reason is at such a young age.
anyway, exactly after the first quarter into the major, i started to experience a quarter life crisis. I was unhappy with myself, detached from the world, i closed up on people, and started to feel the major wasn’t right for me, but i knew i had to go through with it, being a responsible adult and all. (i realized now that wasn’t the problem!! the problem was me and my inability to understand what the hell it is i’m put on this world for) so i picked up on reading, reading anything i could get my hands on! fictions mostly, with the intention that i wanted to be more articulate, and a little bit of history, politics, art etc… i was just really curious about how the world works you know…they don’t teach you those things in hospitality. Also, there was this part of me where i always felt like i was shorthanded because i was an immigrant who came to the U.S. when I was 7. That came as a disadvantage because it took time to adjust, with english especially. i always felt inferior to my peers, and thought i deserved better, i thought it was cruel that they wouldn’t let me take some placement tests in elementary school because i was an esl student..anyway eventually all those insecurities dragged onto jr. high, high school, jr. college, etc… FUCK THE ACADEMIC STRUCTURE, i didn’t get shit out of it! thats the thing about the academic structure in america, you fall victim to it if you’re not equipped to be an honor student in seminar. Teachers in “regular” classes just don’t really care for your ass, your intellectual growth i mean, it’s a damn informational banking system that they’ve established for us. they feed you cold facts and expect you to regurgitate it. but who in their right mind would find that sort of teaching interesting anyway, and if you don’t find something interesting, how can you retain any sort of information!??!?! that’s why most of us become disinterested in school and, eventually drop out or just become ~lost~. but we must consider SOCIAL DARWINISM!
anyway i was still depressed, i thought there was always this creativity side to me that needed to be expressed professionally or with some kind of credibility, i wasn’t going to settle for something mediocre, i wanted my work to be pristine like artists i read about, but it’s too bad i didn’t figure this out until it was a little too late into my major. so i tried drawing on the side, which didn’t get me anywhere as an ~artist~, then i started picking up on writing, so i figure, ok, i’ll just write something creatively meaningful, i started off with mostly poems though, but that eventually got tiresome and i felt there’s just something more that i could do about my creativity and this relentless mind that’s in search for something else besides business. so it was all the reading; creative writing; a couple of years to myself; and being prone to human suffering; that one day, i got this brilliant creative idea, which was to indirectly write about an account of all the oppressiveness that the academic structure had placed on me, my inability to connect with the world, and all these other jumbled up feelings and thoughts that were lingering inside me while facing adulthood, things that i didnt really talk about with people because no one seems to really understand___all this written in fiction form, thank you very much.
—- i didn’t fully understand what i was writing, what message i was trying to convey, until just recently, it struck me that i’m this struggling artist who doesn’t know that she is one. everything just starts to click once you back away from society a little, start to question it, and just go exercise your brain! I’m completely in control of myself now and it feels fucking great!
Now i’m at this stage they call self actualization, where a lot of people are probably struggling to get there. So i totally understand where you’re coming from if you’re one of those people who have been victimized by the system, don’t give up and keep on searching for some kind of meaning in life!! the outcome is completely rewarding!!
Now i can start creating this life i always wanted without being all melodramatic about it. I’m going to pursue hospitality with the same drive that i’d given on my quest for intellectual growth, while feeling pleasant to know that there’s something sacred on the side that i can always call my very own, and that is my ability to write creatively. who knows, i might be able to produce something worth reading. ;)) Dream big everyone, then give back however much you can, and it doesn’t have to be of monetary value!
my creative teacher said, once you write something, that’s it… all the anxiety is dismissed. what wonderful news!
fyi: i’m not one of those writers portrayed in the media as being hostile, illogically impulsive, alcoholic, chronic smoker, border-line insane, highly pretentious, and promiscuous. Close friends find me loyal, kind, trustworthy, down to earth, and a bit overly excited when the situation calls for it. A bit reserved to the mass (sorry, i’m not going to sprint up to everyone I see), but i’ll eventually open up once i feel i can trust you. And noo, I’m not too serious. But if you call this blog serious… then iono what to tell you. :/
p.s. read this article: http://chronicle.com/article/The-End-of-Solitude/3708
